Entropy Part 7

GITTINS
Well actually all I want to do is advertise. Have a few ads throughout each issue.

TERRANCE
Yeah sure, no problem. You got any money?

GITTINS
Umm, actually no.

TERRANCE
Oh that's a shame. It would be really good to have a detective person advertise in my paper, but I can't do it for free. I already get quite a bit from Jerry's dope store for all the ads he runs. I'd run out of money otherwise.

GITTINS
Okay, well how about a trade?

TERRANCE
Wow. A trade! You mean something that doesn't involve cash?

GITTINS
Exactly. As you know, I'll be privvy to some of the world's greatest secrets. I could pass on information about people, or give you reports about events that occur while I'm working. And so on.

TERRANCE
Wow, that would be great! Even more people would buy my paper then... then I'd be even richer.

GITTINS
Well that's what it's all about isn't it.... that and freedom.

TERRANCE
Yeah, freedom's good... but riches are even better. Okay Mr Guttins...

GITTINS
Gittins

TERRANCE
...Gittins, it's a deal! I'll give you three ads, one each on pages one, three and five. In return, you'll give me as much dirt as you can!

GITTINS
Agreed (they shake hands)

TERRANCE
You know Mr Gittins... I got it right... I think this is the start of a long and prosperous relationship. One that will span a long time and be mutually beneficial to us both.

GITTINS
(nodding, with a quizzical look on his face) Yeah, it will be. I'll get you a copy of the ad tomorrow. See you later Terrance.

TERRANCE
See you later.... Ross.

GITTINS
Russell (inhales cigarette, blows smoke out at an angle, smiles then leaves)

TERRANCE
(imitiating Gittins after he has left) "Russell"

(inhales cigarette, blows out smoke at an angle, then smiles. He then laughs hysterically, but this is cut short by protracted wet coughing. He spits out something, wipes his mouth.)

TERRANCE
I need to speak to Jerry about these (coughs again).

39. Closeup of Advertisement for Gittins. Saying "Do you want to have a graet detectve? )Then ring Rusel Gittinns opn 555-3426. Hell make things good fr you. Cash onluy excepted. Hes good and funny and he smokes fgood stuff." Pans back to reveal a man reading the paper at his desk. The desk is very messy and contains many empty bottles marked "Alcoholic beverage #4". Facing the desk is a mean looking man. Camera pans around to see man looking in the paper. He is in his early 40s, with short hair and a slight scar down his left cheek.

MAN BEHIND DESK
Well Derrick? What does it say?

DERRICK
(Looking frustrated, looks at man then looks back at paper.) I'm not impressed.

MAN BEHIND DESK
Why are you not impressed?

DERRICK
It's not right. It's not what you said.

MAN BEHIND DESK
I know. But it's still important. What does it say?

DERRICK
It says. (Reading very slowly, obviously he has great difficulty reading) Do... yow

MAN BEHIND DESK
You

DERRICK
You. Want... a... gray et.

MBD
Great.

DERRICK
No, it says Gray et.

MBD
It's a spelling mistake. Great.

DERRICK
Great. D.... D..et..schive.

MBD
Each letter Derrick.

DERRICK
Dee...te..c..t..ive (eye-veh)

MBD
ive

DERRICK
Ive

MBD
The whole word again.

DERRICK
Dee-tect-eye... ive. Detective.

MBD
Detective.. Very good. Next week I'll try and see if I can get you a copy of the government creed book. Do you know how to spell anti-homogenaic deificatic parathesis?

DERRICK
(Sarcastically) Of course I do, I just have trouble reading it. (Normal) No that'll be good. Reading the government creed book will be good. How much do I owe you?

MBD
One.

DERRICK
One? You're getting more expensive all the time. (Hands over a coin) Tell me. What's a detective?

MBD
Harry's dictionary defines a detective as a man of about medium height, with a slight limp.

DERRICK
Really? And why would he be advertising in a newspaper?

MBD
Perhaps he's looking for work. Good freelance detectives are hard to find these days.

DERRICK
Why?

MBD
Government tends to target them. A guy was taken in a few months ago, came out a government clone. All he does now is eat, sleep, work and go to the toilet.

DERRICK
(Looking confused) And why would the government do that?

MBD
One.

DERRICK
What?

MBD
One (holds out hand)

DERRICK
(looks even more confused. Then realises it is bribe. Gives him the money. MBD Does nothing.)

DERRICK
Well?

MBD
(Confused as well) Do you want me stay?

DERRICK
Look, I'm confused here. You were saying...

MBD
Ah yes. Read the second line.

DERRICK
(Confused, then turns to newspaper again) Th... Th... Theh..

MBD
Then

DERRICK
Then... rin-guh .. ring. Russ

MBD
Rus (Ruz)

DERRICK
Rus..el.. Gi..t...t....in...n...s

MBD
Which says

DERRICK
Gihtens.

MBD
Very good.

(Silence)

MBD
One.

DERRICK
(Looking even more confused) Um. What is a gihtens?

MBD
I've told you, a man of medium height with a slight limp. (Holds out hand) One.

DERRICK
I've already given you one. Twice.

MBD
Have you? (Feels pocket) Oh I'm sorry (hands back two).

DERRICK
Um... just go. Leave me. come back next week.

MBD
Okay boss. (Starts to walk away, then turns). Oh, by the way. Yando is here to see you.

DERRICK
Yando? He's dead isn't he? (Realises) Oh Yando! Send him in on your way out Harold.

MBD/HAROLD
Sure thing boss (exits door).

(Derrick sits behind his desk. Rearranging things. Looks up out door. Continues to clean. Looks up again. Continues to clean. Stops. Looks up out door again. Walks to door.)

to be continued...

© 2006 Neil McKenzie Cameron, http://one-salient-oversight-entropy.blogspot.com/




This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.